Living Without You (aka. There You'll Be)
by Matrix14
Summary: The final battle with the Goa'uld (is that spelt right?) is upon us and the SGC get ready to go through the gate. But will Jack, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c come back? From Janet's POV. Daniel/Janet, Sam/Jack. Please r/r!
1. Default Chapter

  
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or the characters thereof (although I wouldn't complain...). I kinda own the plot,  
but I got inspiration from Pearl Harbor (*groans from readers*) Oh shut up! The song 'There You'll Be' is from  
Pearl Harbor and is by Faith Hill. It's my favourite song at the moment as well (I know, I know... I'm letting my   
standards slip) so I decided to put it in for the sake of it.   
  
Author's Note: Hey peeps! (oh god, did I just say that?). Well, anyway, idiocy aside (well, maybe not...), please  
review this (please please pleeeeeeeeease!) and I'll love you forever.  
  
Category: S/J, J/D.  
  
There You'll Be  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I stand in the gateroom alongside my fellow medical staff and the other members of the SGC considered   
essential to the operation of the gate and watch as you join the ranks of soldiers lining up to go through the gate   
and into battle. Eleven SG teams and various new recruits brought in from the marines join you at the bottom of   
the ramp. General Hammond steps forward, facing us all,  
  
"Today we go into battle with the Gou'ald." He begins, "To try to defeat the enemy that has haunted us ever since  
we opened the gate. Among you there are eleven teams from this base, ten teams newly drafted from the  
marines, and many volunteers from the planet of Chulak. I too will accompany you to JXX521. I must tell you that  
Sokhar will not be easily defeated, and many of you will not return home. But do not think about the chance of  
your death, think about how you will be heroes when we do defeat the Gou'ald."  
  
I sniff and try not to let my eyes fill with tears and General Hammond continues,  
  
"We will go through this gate soldiers of the U.S. Air Force, and return heroes of the world. This sacrifice you   
make will undoubtably save the world from destruction. Feel proud as we walk through this gate, and remember  
that we will win." He looks around the room at the lines of silent men and women, all waiting to go to their deaths.  
"I know that you may want to say a few goodbyes, and therefore, as of this moment, for five minutes only, all   
regulations regarding personal relationships within the military are momentarily waved."  
  
--------------  
When I look back on these times  
And the dreams we left behind  
I'll be glad 'cos I was blessed to get   
To have you in my life  
--------------  
  
He steps down from the ramp and there is a hum of noise. People began to drift in different directions, and I see  
Sam move closer to Jack. I can see the emotion on Sam's face as she looks around the room. Other people   
are pulling each other into strong embraces and tentatively kissing each other goodbye. She looks back up at   
Jack and reaches up, wrapping her arms round his neck. He wraps his arms round her waist and holds her   
tightly, neither of them speaking, both of them with their eyes closed, savouring these first and last moments of  
open affection. I feel huge sadness for them that they never got, and never will get, the chance to be together.  
  
"Janet?" I hear you ask quietly.   
  
I spin round and see you frowning at me, a solemn and sad look in your wonderful blue eyes.  
  
"Daniel." I say, not trusting myself to say anything else.  
  
"I have to go," You blurt out, "I owe it... to Sha're."  
  
"I know." I nod, biting my lip slightly to keep my self-control.  
  
I know that he has more reason than anyone in the base to go. He has more reason to hate the Gou'ald than   
anybody.  
  
"I..." You begin.  
  
"No," I say, "You don't have to. I don't want you to go feeling bad."  
  
"But if I don't say this then I will feel bad. Please, hear me out." You say.  
  
I nod again and you continue,  
  
"I know because of Sha're I've been scared of falling in love again. And I know I've never said anything to you  
really. But I... we... " You run a hand through your hair which you've let grow long like it used to be. "I don't know  
what to say to explain how I feel." You say.  
  
"It's okay." I almost whisper.  
  
"I guess I just don't want to go without you knowing." You whisper back, your eyes full of pain.  
  
"I do know." I smile sadly, "Don't worry."  
  
You step forward and reach into your pocket for something. You take my hand and place in it a small box.  
  
"Daniel?" I ask.  
  
"I bought this for you." You say, "I just wanted you to have it."  
  
I open the box and gasp as I see the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. It's silver, shaped like a lily flower, with the   
stem winding around and back on itself in a knot. Set inside the flower are tiny diamonds and pale blue stones  
which glitter in the light.  
  
"Daniel!" I gasp.   
  
"Well?" You ask.  
  
"Well what?" I ask, still staring at the ring.  
  
"What do you think?"  
  
"It's beautiful!"  
  
"Good." You smile, "Here." You reach forward and place the ring on my finger. My middle finger of my right hand.  
  
"No." I say. I pull the ring off my finger and replace it onto the ring-finger of my left hand.  
  
Your face is so sweet.  
  
"Y-you..." You stammer.  
  
"Don't worry." I say, "I just like it better there." I smile, "It belongs there."  
  
We stand and grin inanely at each other, not knowing what to do next.  
  
"People, we have to go!" General Hammond calls.  
  
I look up at you, trying to ignore the tears in your eyes.  
  
--------------  
When I look back on these days  
I'll look and see your face  
You were right there for me  
--------------  
  
As people begin to make their way towards the gate once more, we still stand, staring at each other, unsure of   
what to do.  
  
Over your shoulder I see Sam release her grip on Jack, who she'd been clinging to for the past five minutes.   
He bends his head to hers and presses a chaste kiss on her lips. They step back away from each other and   
stand side by side, awaiting the order to move out.  
  
Suddenly, you step forward and pull me to you, wrapping your arms around me. I fling my arms around your neck   
and cling to you desperately, not wanting to let you go.  
  
"Don't go." I whisper.  
  
"I have to." You whisper back.   
  
You pull away from me and I wipe my tears away with the back of my trembling hand. You bend your head and  
kiss me. Your kiss is more passionate and desperate than Sam and Jack's looked and I respond.  
  
You step away from me and I realise everyone is watching us. I don't care. You let your hand, which I had been   
gripping, slide out of mine as you walk slowly away. I bite my lip again, this time, because tears are already   
flowing, to stop myself from breaking down completely.  
  
"Alright men!" General Hammong calls across the room.  
  
"And women!" A young female lieutenant calls, getting laughs from the rest of the crowded room.  
  
"And women." General Hammond agrees, "We have a go!"  
  
The technicians begin the dialing procedure and I watch the back of your head as the chevrons light up one by   
one.   
  
"Chevron seven, locked!" Says Graham Simmons from behind the blast doors, who is trying to avoid Sam's   
eyes.  
  
General Hammond turns back to survey the room and I see him look at me. I snap into a solemn salute. The rest  
of the people staying behind quickly follow and I stand like that as you near the event horizon.  
  
SG-1, with General Hammond as an honorary leader, are first to step through the gate. As you are about to go   
through, you turn back and look at me. I do my best to smile at you and use my free hand to blow you a kiss.  
  
//Please...// I think, //Please come back.//  
  
Your face is the last thing I see before I turn away.   
  
I walk back to the infirmary in silence, trying to ignore the sobs of one of the nurses whose civilian linguist fiance  
has just left. I think to myself, I can't imagine how she feels. But then I realise I can... I feel what she feels.   
  
For the next hours, I don't know how I keep myself from going mad. I wander around dazedly, my mind occupied,  
like all the other nurses. We set out as many trolleys and beds as are available, not wanting to expect the worst,  
but realising the need to be ready. It's the calm before the storm, and we know it.  
  
Suddenly, after the terrible pain of waiting for news of any kind, we hear the alarm sound.  
  
We run to the control room.  
  
"It's SG-11's signal!" Graham calls.  
  
The iris opens and we wait for the first people to appear.  
  
Three figures stagger out of the event horizon. They are covered in blood and dirt and one has bad burns   
covering one side of his face.  
  
I spring into action after realising it's not you.  
  
"Get three trolleys!" I call to the nurses. "Quickly!"  
  
I race down the steps and through the doors to the gate room and run up the ramp to the three people. The iris   
closes behind them as I reach them and I reach out to steady the badly burnt one. I recognise them as half of  
SG-11.  
  
"How is it going?" I ask, knowing that my question sounds inappropriate in this situation.  
  
"Not... good..." Major Thompson replies.  
  
I pause.  
  
"Did you..." I begin.  
  
"I'm sorry." Lieutenant Crowe interupts, knowing my question, "I didn't see him."  
  
My heart sinks. Maybe no news is good news? I think.  
  
As the nurses rush in with the trolleys, I lift my head and gaze at the iris, wondering where you are.  
  
  
  
To Be Continued....  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Be a truly groovy person and review, man! 


	2. Part 2

Living Without You (aka. There You'll Be): Part 2  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
--------------  
In my dreams I'll always see you  
Soar above the sky  
In my heart there'll always be a place for you  
For all my life  
--------------  
  
I move as if in a dream. The steady stream of wounded, and unfortunately dead, that arrive through the gate keep  
me occupied, giving me no time to dwell on thoughts of you.  
  
The infirmary is full and the gate room is now set up as an emergency treatment room. Trolleys are all around me   
as I stand and gaze up at the gate, the noise around me fading into the background. The dead and the dying   
cry out for attention, but there aren't enough of us to cope. The new arrivals are sorted into dead, dying and   
wounded, and are left to wait for the attention of one of the medical staff. The cries of pain and the smell of blood   
and death is almost intolerable. The trolleys have run out and bodies lie on the floor. Bodies are stacked in the   
corridors to make room for the living, and the living are spilling out into the corridors as well. The dead and the  
living are almost indistinguishable as both groups are covered in mud and blood and burns.   
  
And still you haven't come back.  
  
Where are you?  
  
"Doctor!" I hear a scream from behind me, "Doctor!"  
  
I spin around, awoken from my reverie, and see Lieutenant McNamara supporting his teammate, Captain  
Stuart. The captain lies dying in his arms and he is begging me to save her.  
  
"Please, doctor Fraiser! Help her!"  
  
I see that she has a gash on her forehead, blood running down her face. I also see that this isn't the fatal wound.   
Blood is pouring from a large wound in her side, soaking into McNamara's uniform. Both of their uniforms are   
tattered and burnt, and their faces blackened with dried blood and smoke.  
  
I run to them and feel for her pulse. It's so weak it's virtually non exsistent.   
  
"Don't worry." I tell her, "You're gonna be fine."  
  
Her eyes are closed and I know that she is near death. A place a hand on McNamara's arm and look into his   
eyes. He knows.  
  
He takes her hand and grips it, not letting go. I realise that I can do nothing for her and that they need some time  
alone. Or as alone as they can be in a room full of people.  
  
I stand and sigh, walking away. I help a limping Major towards the nurses.  
  
I hear a cry of anguish and grief from behind me,  
  
"No!" McNamara cries.  
  
I watch with tears in my eyes as he brushes her hair off her face and bends to kiss her, folding his arms round  
her and rocking her backwards and forwards as if trying to bring her back, his tears falling onto her ragged  
uniform.  
  
I realise that the scene I witness is being replayed hundreds of times, all around this room, and I set a place in my  
heart aside to grieve for all these broken lives.  
  
And still you have not returned.  
  
But this is war. This is what war does. I've seen death before, I face it almost everyday, but never on this scale.   
I always kept death separate from me, treated it as a job, a profession, and science-ised it. But now, I see the  
true human side of death, the pain and the suffering, and I hate myself for not doing more.  
  
I always resented being the one left behind when you went through the gate, but now I realise that I'm glad I didn't  
go this time. I know it sounds selfish when hundreds of people are out there dying so that I can live, but I can't help   
the way I feel, and I pray you're not angry with me.  
  
I stand in the middle of all this destruction and pain and chaos, and it seems separate from me once again. It's as  
if I can see it, but I can't touch it. It's as if this is all a nightmare and that I'll wake and you'll be back and no one will   
have died.  
  
As if it's just a dream.  
  
--------------  
I'll keep a part of you with me  
And everywhere I am there you'll be  
And everywhere I am there you'll be....  
--------------  
  
It seems as though it has been just minutes since you left, but as I gaze over this terrible scene to the clock, I see  
that five hours have passed since you went.  
  
The gate begins to engage again and someone calls that it's SG-1's code.  
  
My heart leaps! Could it be you? It must be!   
  
I turn once more to look at the gate when the event horizon bursts forth and settles back to rest like shimmering   
water.   
  
A single figure steps through. And it's not you.  
  
I stand, disapointment sweeping over me. It's not you. Where are you? Why didn't you just step through.  
  
I remember my status as doctor and hurry up the ramp.  
  
"Colonel Makepeace." I say, stepping forward to steady the blackened and bloodied Colonel.  
  
"Dr. Fraiser." He replies.   
  
I look into his eyes and see the dreadful things that he has witnessed.   
  
"Come with me, I'll find you a bed." I can't see any open wounds.  
  
"No, there are more people that need you. I'm not badly injured." He says, as I wrap my arm round his waist to   
help him limp down the ramp.  
  
I realise that we need a practical estimate of the numbers of injured we're still to receive.   
  
"How many more beds will we need?" I ask.  
  
He looks at me strangely, then realises I don't know yet. His eyes fill with sorrow. He takes a deep breath.  
  
"You won't." He says.   
  
I don't understand, I don't want to believe what he's saying, so he says it again,  
  
"There are no more to come back."   
  
--------------  
Well you showed me how it feels   
To feel the sky within my reach   
And I always will remember all   
The strength you gave to me.  
--------------  
  
I stand, too shocked to say anything. Finally, I manage to speak.  
  
"No." I whisper, "It's not true."  
  
"I'm sorry..." He begins.  
  
"But over half of the people that went through that gate haven't come back yet!" I gasp.  
  
"I'm sorry..." He repeats.  
  
I shake my head. It's not true... IT'S NOT TRUE!  
  
I run down the ramp. I know I'm in denial, but I can't help it. Maybe I haven't seen you come back? Maybe you're  
being treated and I didn't know?  
  
I run through the trolleys, searching for your face. But I know I won't find you. Somehow I know that you're not  
coming back.  
  
That you're not coming back.  
  
--------------  
Your love made me make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you.  
You were right there for me...  
--------------  
  
I reach the control room, now deserted apart from Graham Simmons. Everyone else is helping with the wounded.  
Graham is crouched over the microphone which is switched off, gazing out at the gate. I can see tears roll down   
his cheeks.  
  
"Hi, Graham." I say quietly.  
  
He jumps, looking round, suprised at the noise. He sees me standing at the top of the stairs and smiles a smile  
that doesn't reach his eyes. He wipes away his tears and sniffs.  
  
"Hey, Doctor Fraiser. Just... watching the gate. Seeing if anyone's coming back."  
  
"Are you okay?" I ask, wrapping my arms round myself, a habit that I realise I've picked up from spending too  
much time around you.  
  
"Yeah... I guess..." He says.  
  
I walk over to him slowly, sitting down next to him and join him in silently watching the gate.  
  
I realise that he too has lost someone. He's lost the person he's been in love with for six years; Sam.  
  
I place a hand on his.  
  
"They're not coming back, are they?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the gate.  
  
"No." I shake my head.  
  
"Why? Why her?" He asks sorrowfully. "Why didn't someone else go instead?"  
  
"Don't think like that." I say. "They're doing this for us."  
  
"I know."  
  
Suddenly, I move closer to him and pull him closer to me, embracing him to comfort us both.  
  
We sit like that, silent in our shared pain, holding onto each other, and crying for the people we've lost.  
  
It's so unreal. It's like a dream....  
  
  
  
  
  
To Be Continued......  
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*author sings* Review, you funky people! 


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